Fighting For The Goal!

Holy crap, what a weekend. The brakes in my car went, so for the time being I'm rocking my mom's Jeep Compass, which is actually really effing awesome. It's pretty sweet knowing that I can effectively destroy nearly anything that could get in my way on the road. The auto shop in Rochester said that they'd try to get it fixed before the middle of the week, so hopefully I'll be back in the four cylinders of chaos by the end of the week.

Today's topic was actually inspired by a blog entry from alert the audience!, a blog written by a buddy of mine who also wrote for UNH's Main Street Magazine while I was on staff there. In his post from last Wednesday, alert's topic was on the "Mighty Ducks" movies, specifically D3: The Mighty Ducks. Which we won't be talking about here. No no no. we're going to delve into something much, much more strange.....and of course, nerdy.

Aside from the fact that Disney couldn't be bothered to create subheadings for their Mighty Ducks movie series, they had the audacity to release a "Mighty Ducks" cartoon.

"What's so wrong about that? I bet it was like Recess, but with more hockey!" you may say.
You are wrong. So very, very wrong.



The Mighty Ducks premiered in 1996, and followed a race of humanoid ducks from the planet "Puckworld" in an alternate dimension. Apparently Puckworld is NHL central, and under constant distress from the evil Saurians. After the Saurians attack Puckworld and kill their leader, Canard, the team of ducks follow them to Earth, where they protect our planet while playing hockey.  Oh, their new leader is also Wildwing, the actual mascot of the Anaheim Mighty Ducks.

Emilio Estevez is on the right, if you're wondering

Even as a seven year old, this idea seemed ridiculous. NO ONE brings up the fact that these are GIANT DUCKS during any of the pre or post-game reports? Do they migrate like real ducks? Can they communicate with ducks on our planet? Do they lay giant duck eggs? Also notice that there are only two female members of the team. Interesting.

"That was a great drive you had  back there, Wildwing. Whoops, you seem to be molting again."

And how must the other teams that they play feel? I'd imagine at first they'd be really freaked out, not to mention worried about PETA potentially protesting the games. Also, why would people be completely okay with giant alien ducks playing hockey, instead of, you know, SHARING their knowledge of space and inter-dimensional travel.
"No it's cool, you guys keep getting penalty shots and power plays. Humanity's got DVR's and smart phones, we're good."

"Bradburn, you go left. Phillips, you go right. The rest of you, tackle that giant duck."

The Mighty Ducks obviously suffered from "Ninja Turtles" syndrome, in which "creators" ripped off Eastman and Laird's creation by creating their own humanoid animal and giving it a weird trait (the Ninja Turtles liked pizza, so the Ducks liked hockey). This theory can also be seen in such 90's cartoons as Street Sharks, Barnyard Commandos,  Extreme Dinosaurs,  and of course, Biker Mice From Mars.

The ultimate EXTREME 90'S BATTLE!