Yeah, I watched Jonah Hex...
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| They forgot to add "Wild Wild West 2" |
Starring: Josh Brolin, John Malkovich, Megan Fox
"Directed" By: Jimmy Hayward
Let me get this out of the way. In no way, shape, or form is Jonah Hex a good film. My god. It's not even a "so bad it's good" comic book film like Ghost Rider or Punisher: War Zone. It is a waste of the talent involved (wtf were Malkovich and Brolin thinking?) and a disgrace to the "Jonah Hex" character and comic book that has been kicking ass and taking names for some 60 plus issues now.
The plot focuses on Jonah Hex (played admirably by Brolin, the only good thing in this movie) being called into action by the government to stop Quintin Turnbull, the man who not only killed Hex's family, but also scarred him as well. Malkovich plays Turnbull as the most bored villain ever. His voice never rises above a monotone, including when he is supposed to be rallying his troops to get ready to bomb of our nation's capitol. Oh, Megan Fox also shows up playing a prostitute who's actually a sweet girl. And a terrible actress.
The thing that bothers me about this movie (NERD RANT ALERT) is that the Jonah Hex series is so good that the writers and director Hayward could have picked literally ANY storyline from the amazing current series and had a rock-solid, old school western revenge movie. Instead, we get a Hex who, while looks the part, has the ability to speak to the dead and has gattling guns on his horse. For everything that movies like Kick-ass, Watchmen, Iron Man, and Christopher Nolan's Batman films have done to propel comic books and comic book movies into a realm of more "serious" entertainment, Jonah Hex comes along and drops a big ol' dump right on top of not only them, but the character as well. Even die hard Hex fans should stay far, far away.
Zero mechanical spiders out of 5*
*In fact, here's a link to both Jetpack Comics and some "Jonah Hex" comics on amazon.com. Do yourself a favor and pick one up from either one of those places instead of watching this crap.
But...this review doesn't talk about Megan Fox's boobs. Does she show them off a lot? Are there any "ALMOST NUDE" shots? You totally skipped the important part of reviewing this film.
ReplyDeleteNone. None at all. It would've gotten at least one star for that.
ReplyDeleteWhen Wild Wild West first came out my brother and I thought it was "Chicken wild, chicken wicken wild wild west."
ReplyDeleteThank you for the Nerd Rant Alert. I appreciated the warning.
ReplyDeleteIf you're gonna link to amazon, you should do those special links where you get paid, son.
And I'm so glad I opted out of this one.